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April Missive

Greetings, Northshield!

Hey, remember this classic?

"The website is up!" "The website is down!" "The website is up!" "The website is down!"

Happy anniversary to the terrible outage problems, which lasted for about six weeks beginning in April and running through May. In honor of that, here are our top fifteen favorite outage reports:

Little known fact: The website has been residing in a time-slipped pocket universe with the Library of Alexandria for years. Sadly, the Turks have finally broken in. We're sending a crusade to bring it back - hopefully we're not too late.

Someone's taken the website. We're sending The Smallest Verangian to bring it back, and she's very fierce, but very small. It may take some time.

You know how in zombie movies the websites all crash? ...... Yeah, totally not related....

I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if thousands of Northshield profiles suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened. ... but I'm on my lunch break, so I'll look at it shortly.

Those nasty hobbitses stole my precious... We've sent 4 hobbits, an elf, a dwarf, 2 men and a wizard after it. They should be back soon. Or 18 years. Unrelated: is anybody using those giant eagles?

The website is having a tantrum because chocolate isn't period. It should be over that and back up once it's time out is over.

Someone packed the website in his bag - and I'm not naming any names - under the mistaken impression that he needed to bring it to an event. It's being returned.

The robot uprising has begun. Fear the toasters. Avoid the website (because it's down). Run for your lives!

Wouldn't this be a nice time to take a break from the computer? Stand up, stretch, rest your eyes. Go get some coffee or something. Maybe a slice of pie. Hey, while you're at it can you bring me back something? I'm sure we'll have the website back up when you return.

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for the website. We'll stop the tinnitus soon.

"Hey Janet."
"Yes Brad?"
"I got something to say. I really love the ... aw, crap. Website's down."

Our site is down! We'll get it up again! They're never gonna keep it down! https://youtu.be/2H5uWRjFsGc

Me: "Marco!"
NS site: "..."
Me: "Marco!!"
NS site: "..."
Me: "MARCO!"
NS site: "..."
Me: "Dangit."

The website has gone to visit AS 50, despite our attempts to pin it down. When it returns it will be severely reprimanded. If you see it there, tell it to come home.

The website keeps trying to run off to visit its new friend Iuminburgh, despite our attempts to pin it down. We've explained that it has a job to do, but you know how websites can be - it's just sitting in its room, listening to Joy Division, trying to paint its eyes with kohl. Which is especially disturbing since it doesn't even have eyes. We'll let you know if anything changes.

...Also, please fill out a Northshield profile. More changes are coming.

In service,

Abelard

One more for good measure: Sorry, the site is down. To give you something to do in the meantime, here's a link to a random Wikipedia page. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random. [The
website is up.]


Other missives from the Kingdom Webminister
Posted by: Abelard die Elster Kingdom Webminister on 3/16/2017

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