Rosa de la Mere Rosa de la Mere

December Missive

Greetings to my fellow seneschals. I appreciate the work you do to make the Dream real for us all.

First, please check to see if we still need bids for Crown and Coronations in 2019. As I write this we only have one bid for one of the four events.
Second, while traveling around and talking with various groups I’m reminded that the three keys to a good group are Relationships, Relationships, and Relationships.

So, for Seneschals, a reminder of an important invocation to use before each email, meeting or other communication: “Let my words be tender and sweet for tomorrow I may eat them!”

As both a local and now Kingdom Seneschal I don’t know how many times I’ve started a post or email with some variation of “I apologize…”. Whether it is because I dropped the ball on replying, was misunderstood by someone, or wasn’t clear to begin with.

A sincere apology can go a long way to soothing hurt feelings and heading off anger. The key word, of course, is sincere.

When I say something that I think is clear but the other person takes it wrong, I can’t get defensive. I can’t say, “Sorry you didn’t get it.” I have to say, “I’m sorry I wasn’t clear. Let me try again.” Even if 9 out of 10 people understood it, I apologize to number 10.

The other part of a good apology is to NOT explain why you did it. To say, “I’m sorry but you have to understand that…” says to the other person “Hey, your feelings don’t really matter. It’s about me.” Instead, I try to always say. “I’m sorry. Here is how it happened but please understand this is not an excuse for what I did/said. I just want you to know why/how I messed up.”

And personally, I never say, “I was really busy so…”. Most folks are busy. I just take my lumps and say “I’m sorry I was slow in/dropped the ball on getting back to you.”

I know the above is obvious. I also know more than a few of us blow it. If you are a Seneschal, you are a role model to members. If you are well “seasoned” like me, then your youngest members will look at you like you are Mama or Papa bear. Strive to set an example that soothes the hurts and unites the people in your shire.


Other missives from the Kingdom Seneschal
Posted by: Ealdred of Malmesbury Kingdom Seneschal on 11/13/2018

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